FAQ

Is this just another ‘cleaning’ or ‘organizing’ blog?

No. Most ‘home’ advice assumes the problem is your habits. My investigations suggest the problem is the architecture of the modern household and workplace. I’m less interested in where you put your socks and more interested in the systemic pressures that keep you from having time for your own ambitions. I’m not here to help you clean faster; I’m here to help you re-engineer your life so that you aren’t buried by the relentless operational overhead of life in the first place.

You seem to assume women have a male partner, if any. You also refer to wives like pretty much any man has one. Are other living arrangements or gender identities even on your radar?

I am indeed writing to a stereotype. One that exists and that actual people experience. There are expectations that fall on all women. Then there are expectations that fall on women partnered with men.

The term “wife” no longer merely refers to a female partner, it has come to be used synonymously with the idea of a domestic servant. The particular connotation is very much involved in the topics that I am writing about.

Also, as I’ve hinted, there are plenty of stereotypes and expectations that meet women as they move through the world, with no partner even required.

If your situation varies from the “traditional woman paired up with traditional man” model in any way, shape, or form, maybe you’re also one of the people who are way ahead in this game. 

Your writing tone has rather an edge to it. Do you plan to verbally beat up on men? I’m not sure you’re a nice person.

Most men I meet seem to be well-intentioned people and I like them. It just happens that in the world we live in, well-intentioned people can still manage to cause each other a lot of frustration. Especially when you have this thing called a “society” that tries to put us into boxes.

Women are expected to be nice. “Nice” is frequently defined as always pleasing everybody and agreeing with everyone. I may not be nice by that definition, but I promise you that I try to be kind. 

Is your advice only applicable to women with your particular type of abrasive personality?

I usually only have the guts to be abrasive in the presence of a sympathetic audience. When I do deliver verbal punches to an actual person, I have learned how to do it in a disarming way. Because, as we know, women being direct is often not considered the done thing.

But of course, there are times when I have said no to people, and I will talk about that too. For that, I have put in a lot of research about how to do this in the least stressful way possible. Least stressful for us, certainly – but also being considerate. There is more than one way to express yourself, and I have worked hard to identify the kindest route I can in each case.

What is your actual background?

I spent my career in tech (I have a PhD in Computer Science) optimizing software and debugging complex systems. I started this blog after seeing that the “operating conditions” of a woman’s life were being ignored by traditional productivity experts. Bringing my analytical lens from the tech world, I set about debugging the flawed logic of modern productivity advice.

Are you planning to advise every woman out there to hire a nanny and a cleaner?

No. The money (or even just the wish) for that isn’t always there, and I don’t want to assume it is. A large part of my investigations centered around the wish for more ideas than just outsourcing.

Who are the Mom Police?
Anyone or anything – whether it be a person, written material, or a pervasive set of society’s expectations – that puts pressure on mothers, or women in general, to fit into a specific set of (often unspoken) expectations.